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Artzenin Eklektós
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Apr 26, 2020
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Sadly due to my PCOS, among other homophone imbalances, my body is in a state of disarray. For those of you who do not know what PCOS is, it stands for Polycystic ovary syndrome. It is a hormonal disorder common among women of reproductive age. Women with PCOS may have infrequent or prolonged menstrual periods or excess male hormone (androgen) levels. Hormonal symptoms include acne, and facial hair. The ovaries may develop numerous small collections of fluid (follicles) and fail to regularly release eggs. But there's more to it than that in my medical case. The main reason I have a beard, is because I inherited it through my late grandmother Margret Rigney. My mother, Barbara Rigney did not develop one at all, but I did. It's small but if allowed to fester, can become painfully noticeable, and thick in appearance. We all know as women, we don't grow beards, it is for the men. So understand I am not in support of women who want beards through steroids, or through other means to get facial hair to grow on their faces. Beards belong on men not women, but due to the curse of sin (you'll see me reference this my posts a lot) a beard that abnormally grows on a woman's face is very much a thing that never should have happened. I didn't ask for this illness, it choose me, but I take proper care with all my illness, maintaining each one. The beard is the one flaw in my female body that is most noticeable, and very annoying. Shaving time in the morning is always a dread. I don't understand how the men do this. I can shave it in the morning, clean down to the skin, to the point of razor burns, and the blasted thing is growing back before dawn of the the next day. Me and razors have gotten to know each other well over the years once puberty hit, for it was around the peek of my puberty I was told by a male friend, "Whoa. Are you competing with us?" I asked him, "What are you talking about?" (I hadn't realized the itching on my chin was the facial hair growing in.) He replied, "You got a goatee growing down there. Odd, since you're a girl." Ever since this incident, I paid closer attention to what was happening to my body, but this was in high school, and I had yet to be diagnosed with PCOS. As the years past, it became more, and more thick in appearance, and I invested in to male aftershave to help ease the burning, and bumps. I use these products to this day. It doesn't have anything to do with associating myself to a man, it has everything to do with the fact that women products can't aid me in this way, and therefore, I use what I have to use in order to get by. The hair itches me sometimes in the beginning stages of it's growth. Sometimes the beard takes weeks, sometimes it takes months. It just depends on what it wants to do. I admit that I do get weary of shaving it every day, so on the days I decide not to, it isn't a day or two later I get stubble, and these annoying zit bumps. When I'm super lazy, and just don't care, and won't leave the house due to my handicaps I totally let it grow out. I mean, it's just me. But honestly, even if I had to leave the house, I stopped caring what people's perspective of me was a long time ago. They don't know me, they don't have my medical history, and current conditions. They can either choose to ask, and understand, or form theories in their heads, and go about their way. I most defiantly let it grow out when I'm unable to sleep, stay up on countless nights trying to get work done in the office, operate the AW website, my website, as well as oversee quality control of all social media posts, on top of writing the novels, and drawing the artwork for the novels, and my own websites. It's never the issue of do I enjoy letting this beard grow. I do not take pleasure in it, I hate it. I just can't drive myself crazy, and fret over it or worry myself sick thinking what uneducated people might think, much less say to me. The way I see it. It's my house/office, and I should be me, and comfortable. It is part of me, not by choice, but still very much part of my make up that is Artzenin Eklektos. I don't mind embracing all my flaws, and my goatee is one of them. I just hope people have a better understanding as to why I allowed Gadolinium in my Milieu series to have a similar condition. The last thing I want people to think is, "Wow Artzenin. You have such a sick, twisted imagination. Why did you make that story line up for Gadolinium anyway?" News flash... I didn't make it up. I live with it every single day. Looks like me, my unwanted beard, and razors are going to be together until death parts us.
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Artzenin Eklektós
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Apr 26, 2020
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Some people think being disabled, and drawing on disability is a dream come true. I can't speak for the disabled community, but for me personally, it's the worst fate to have as a young person. I face several, painful difficulties on a daily, and nightly basis. I'm always exhausted, I'm always week, my illnesses all affect me, and hinder me in different ways, resulting in my inability to function like a healthy person. Everything is chore. The Government monitors what I do with my money, and decides if I can have more or less, and I have no say so about it. Food Stamps, SSI, and my disability check are the only income I have. If I start to invest into company things, and get large donations, they can never go into my personal banking or savings accounts. The government won't understand, and take my benefits away. It's not fair, but it's how the system works. I cannot travel far away from my home. I need to be close to my house at all times if possible. Why? Because my body will collapse from exhaustion. The little muscles I have in my body are dead, and do not support my global bigger muscles, and this means I will collapse under 5-10 seconds of walking, standing, or just trying to move around. Cleaning the houses, cooking meals is not easy, and I will eventually have to get a aid. I have a wheelchair, and use it when my back is out completely, but until I reach that point, I struggle every day to do the simplest of things. My exhaustion is terrible, even with medications to help me have energy. It doesn't help that I suffer sleep apnea, and insomnia either, but that's getting better as of late. Even with those conditions not as active, my body struggles to feel well-rested, and rejuvenated. When I'm not slamming away, and working long hours for my company, a majority of my time is spent eating, sleeping, and drinking some beers. And before anyone rushes to conclusions, no I do not abuse the beer, I am not a drunk, I do not sin with my alcohol. I know what the mikra says, and despite what preachers, and the church want to say, I know the origin in its proper context, and the Book Of Sircach spoke strongly on herbs of the field, and alcohol. The dangerous of it, the benefits of it, and the abuse of each substance. Sirach literally tells people to enjoy food, and drink, but the sin is when one abuses it, and has no control, and allows it to control them. It also highlights it's medical purposes, and drinking for pleasure but to many groups in the church, this is nonsense, and is evil---but it's not. Christ turned water to wine. Why would he do this if it was evil? Christ drank at the Passover. It was not "grape juice" it was fermented wine. Christ drank openly in the public at festivals, and was accused of being a drunk, and a glutton. He did not deny he was drinking, he told those who accused him that the children will proceed the actions of their mother. Meaning, the children reflect the behavior of their parental figure, and in this case, the mother was wise, and did not teach her children to do bad. I can drink, I just can't over do it, and I do not do it a lot either. If someone is going to judge for what I can prove with bible, I welcome them to try. Drinking, and eating food is not sinful. Drunkenness, and gluttony is the sin. I find it odd pastors don't talk about those scenes, only the scenes that condemn drunkenness, and gluttony. They never explain the differences between the two, but I do, and will never encourage anyone to drink-, even if it is for the sake of their stomach like I have done, and for pleasure when I eat a hot meal. That life choice is between them, and God. What I do, is tell people to read the scripture for themselves, then encourage them to go pray, and ask God if they should touch it, and know which ones to touch. Not every drink out there is safe, not every brew is healthy. You have to do research, and understand what the drinks on those shelves have in them, and what the alcohol proof is. Some people have bad history of alcoholics in their family, some people don't. Either scenario, you need to know your body, what it can handle, and if wine or a beer is safe or unwise for you. For me, it is safe, and I prayed about which ones to touch. I cannot touch anything but simple, basic, red wine, and simple, basic beer. That's it. Honestly, since I'm forced to be home, and no one can see me I just don't care about my appearance. Why should I? It hurts me to shower, it hurts me to do my hair, it hurts me to get dressed, it hurts me to breath. Why should I further stress myself out over what I look like? Who am I trying to impress? No one. Literally, no one. Due to PCOS, and a inherited hormonal disease, I do have facial hair. Shaving makes bumps, scratches that scar. Sometimes the bumps burn so I tend to let my goatee grow out when I'm unable to leave the house for weeks, sometimes months. I don't straighten my hair, condition it, shampoo it, or use gel. It's expensive to do that stuff, and anyone who reads this who is Black or has similar hair issues like black people do, know exactly what it's like to work with dry, damaged, stubborn hair, and invest into products that drain your bank account. Now my armpit hair, I don't care either way. I can shave it, but it causes my skin issues. Armpit hair is something that naturally grows on men, and women. Yahweh put it there. It's not "gross", and it doesn't make me less of a woman because I have it there. Without armpit hair, I sweat harder, for my Ph Balance is equal to that of a male, and because of this condition, if I don't have armpit hair, I risk expelling body odors that are quite... repulsive, and concerning. The second reason I don't shave, is my dermatologist explained to me what shaving in general does to skin, and to the human body. I know things people either choose to ignore for beauty standard, or are ignorant of. Once I was told the truth about shaving, I never picked up a razor again. The only place I'll shave sometimes, is my face where my facial hair grows. Even then, it's rare. I've decided unless I'm meeting someone important, or need to look a certain part professionally I do not worry about my shaving my facial hair off. I do admit during winter, I let it grow out, and use winter season as a excuse to break from shaving, then shave it off in the spring. Disability life is hard to adjust to. I use to be fit, and active. I use to have muscles, toned muscles, and could do whatever I wanted... now, I am... a shadow of what I use to be. It's emotionally upsetting when I think of what I use to do, how much I enjoyed my strength, and muscles, and now have nothing to show for it. PCOS, plus not having metabolism that works according to Doctor Samantha Johnson equals weight gain. Did I forget to mention that I have genetics that play part in my weight? Genetics cannot be changed. Diet, and habit can, but oh wait! That's right, I'm disabled, can't stand longer than 5 seconds, and cannot exert myself because my other condition for my heart is fatal. It will explode at any moment, and my kidneys are two points away from failing. Currently as of 2019, when this post was written, my kidneys got better, but my heart remains the same. If I try to loose weight, my body will shut down. This is the biggest reason why I have a gut. It's not the beer or the diet. My metabolism doesn't work, I loose 98 % of oxygen, which means blood isn't circulating through my organs like it should, and without proper oxygen, one cannot work out easily. I don't mind being fat, I have accepted my conditions. This just comes with the territory of being disabled, and limited... doesn't mean I'm happy about it. Oh well. Yahweh said we get new bodies when we die. Personally though, I don't mind having a gut. It's the flab, and fat tissue that I mind. Earthly body, gloried body, I just want the flab to leave, along with the hinder illnesses that torment my every day ability to function.
Disabled Life content media
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Artzenin Eklektós
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Apr 26, 2020
In Casual Profile
Okay. I'm not going to lie. I genuinely dislike Fortnite. Do they have good music? Yes. Is their art style killer? Yes. Do I wince in jealously when I see OC's like Rox? Or Singularity? Or better yet---Marshmellow with his own custom emote jam. Pfft. Forget the emotes, and the Mello Harvest tool. Did you all actually see the mellow concert Epic Games, and Marshmellow pulled of? Undoubtedly, that is yes. Look, I don't like Fortnite mainly because of the zombie thing in the main game. It's just another demonic tactic, and Yahweh let's me know very quickly when I even attempt to entertain such evil things, that he, Ruwah, and Jehoshua can clearly see what I'm doing, and they don't want me to give the devils room to invade my camp. Camp meaning house, my mind. So no, I don't like video games, manga, anime, Hollywood movies for this reason. But blast it all, that artwork, and music scores are intense. But the overall setup of the system annoys me. There's many things I feel could make Battle Royal better, but I will not discuss those views. Those are mine, and mine alone. I really don't want to start a debate over Fortnite. So why mention it if it's so offensive? Well it's like this. As a follower of Christ, he clearly told his children to not be of the world. We live here, but we're not to approve of the evil around us, or do the wicked things most people do on a day-to-day-basis. Fortnite does have spirituality references, evil appearance of some skins, and sexual themes (certain immodestly dressed men, and women. This means men with shirts off.) Jehoshua made it very clear his people are never to feed this to their spirit. Paul wrote letters expressing this as well. So to people who actually follow Yahweh they're not supposed to do those things, but who do I see doing those very exact things? People of the church. They say I'm extreme with my morals, and that ticks me off. I just obey the Mikra. I love the Godhead very much, and I refuse to break their rules to satisfy my flesh. Game events at my houses are boring, because I don't play mainstream video games. I used to... but that was before Yahweh opened my eyes, woke me up, and showed me the error of my thinking. It's hard to find safe content anymore. I usually can't so I do one of two things. I get all my friends together to play Battle Royal in Fortnite... or I get them together to play Slayer in Halo series. And no, I don't like the route Halo took either. Also, Cortanna was naked. The creators did that on purpose. Do they think I'm idiot? It was so obvious, and really upset my good vibes when I tried to attempt playing Campaign in Halo. But I will admit the Spartan weapon system, and vehicles in the Halo series was pretty nice. I enjoy these two games simply because I have the choice to choose not to play the demonic themed story lines, and can relax, and do whatever I want in Battle Royal for Fortnite, and Infinity/Forge for Halo. Sadly the older I get, the less I desire these pleasures, but if I had to stick to anything for game night events at my place, it would be those two games, hands down, no questions asked.
Game Night content media
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