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Updated: Jun 14, 2022

Choked Up

This image of the journal of the girl writing to Yahweh, but then can’t even write and drops tears is literally right now. I mean it happens, but I’m so broken and upset this is all I can do, even when trying to pray to Him. So glad the Godhead understands. Today I officially felt the Lord chip away the damage and cut a bad relationship in my life and it cut me deeply because once upon a time I did care for two people and 1 of the two people was dealt with today. I saw our entire friendship (when it was genuine) just rush through my mind. I hesitated and actually felt my heart twist within me. I know the Godhead wanted me to face the facts and accept some hard truths about the first individual and I did and that’s when a song played in my car. The combination of that song and what I was seeing mentally in my mind, all the way up to the severing of the so called “friendship” broke me.

I don’t mind dealing with these emotions now but in my past I did. I shut them off, so I didn’t have to feel hurt and go through the process of letting go. I hate that I have to cry over this mess, but my body naturally is releasing the pressure I’ve kept inside for a long time and I can’t stop it. There’s nothing good about what happened in the end between me and these people so I am frustrated at myself for even crying and being in pain over what has happened. I was done dirty and yet this pain is here? Being human down in a broken system where devils run around is harsh. I am so looking towards that future where the Godhead wipes every tear from our eyes and this kind of pain will never exist.

The song that wrecked me in case you’re curious is Sober by Bad Wolves. This person I am referring to was not using drugs, that was not the part of the lyrics I grieved over. It was the chorus, when he sang about letting go and saying how he couldn't get closer and asked the person if he had to let them go. Basically the whole song is relatable minus the small reference to the usage of drugs. This song is actually used in a movie called Sno Babies that brings awareness to drug abuse and addiction, but for me it was more the addiction of the pain those two people left behind for me to deal with.


Copyright © 2020 Artzenin Eklektós

Blog post written by Artzenin Eklektós


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