Updated: Sep 6, 2021
Copyright © 2019 Artzenin Eklektós
Blog post written by Artzenin Eklektós
Getting really tired of people mistaking me for a man. I do everything to defuse this, but my efforts in the past, and even now don't matter, hence is why I no longer want to kill myself over changing who I am for the sanctification for others.
Case A: Childhood (Milmine, Cerro Gordo, Bement)
I had long hair once, and wore dresses. I was called a lesbian. Constantly. Go bigger, dressed decently, comfortably, was still called a lesbian.
Case B: Teenhood (Breathiit)
Wore what I wanted, had long hair until Junior year of Highschool. Was called a lesbian, told I was a lesbian by people I will not mention for privacy purpose.
Case C: Young Adulthood (KMBC/YWAM/HTCT)
I cut my hair, wore simple clothes designed for women, and both for men, and women. At KMBC I could not wear pants, only dresses, kulotts, okay? A elder man who use to be a student, looked at me, and my friend (whose's name will remain concealed) in the parlor of the dinning hall could clearly see I was in a dress, wearing high heels, and said,
"Is he taking good care of you?"
She was shocked, and I sighed and just said,
"Yeah. I am..."
I did this to just shut it down, he made up his mind, and I wasn't going to embarrass him.
Go to Subway, saw Mrs. Light (who has passed away), cashier said,
"What does he, your husband want to eat?"
Umm... gross. No. She was older, I was way younger, and I was once again, called a man and what's worse? Her husband. Mrs. Light was shook, she told the cashier I was her friend, and a woman. A year later, same cashier said the same thing, but my mother was with me, and she, like Mrs. Light, was shocked somewhat, and let it go, but I was fuming inside.
I go to YWAM (Youth With A Mission), was told they didn't want to make excuses for me in Turkie (correct spelling for their nation. I was personally told how to spell it by a Turk) and I was also told I shake hands like a "man", and looked like man. Do I see what they meant now? Yes. Do I agree with the approach? No. In the end, I was expected to change so the delicate balance in that culture wouldn't be disturbed. Guess what? Their women had short hair, was masculine, and dressed like men, some of the Turks did this, and I'm standing there, naturally masculine in anything I am in, and going,
"Wow! Okay! I'm told to dress more girly, and most of the girls I see are butch, whether that is on purpose or their preference, they'er not girly here at all."
Case D: Adulthood (Jobs)
I get jobs, 15 in total and almost all of them the bosses, or co-workers, or customers assumed I was a lesbian, or a man. I wore the same company uniforms they did, I said the same slogans they did, I had the body parts the female workers had---but I was called a man.
Hair is growing back out, I dress how I want that doesn't violate the scripture despite what many say about me. And yet, I was called "he" at the Comicon, and the man with his friend heard it, and literally said loud enough for everyone to hear,
"He? You mean HER?"
Go to Lees, in Hazard, go to the bathroom, a woman stops me, is startled with a butch haircut and says to me who was bald at the time,
"Is this not the lady's restroom?"
I shut her down, and told her she's not black, she doesn't know how black hair is painful, and dead, dry, and horrible to work with, and that I would never enter a bathroom that wasn't my gender. Workers from another area come through the doors of Lees, and says,
"Thank you sir."
And just tonight, a woman at Walmart called me "Him", when her co-workers said, "Her", and she looked disheveled that I would correct her.
A applicant insisted to call a man, so my team made a Job Disclaimer for he insisted to call me "sir", throughout the entire interview.
Went to a church service in Hazard, and a man claimed Yahweh told him to come over, and pray with me, and he called me "He" the whole time. Afterwards, I put this man in his place, and told him,
"You claim you spoke to God, and he told you about me? Funny, I talk to God too, but I test the spirits and make sure who's speaking. If you were speaking to God, then he would have told you I am a woman!"
This man said it was his glasses that made him mistake me for a boy. The other guy behind me who's hands were on my shoulders, shoot off real fast, and he claimed,
"I knew you were a woman the whole time!"
I snapped my head around, and told him,
"No you didn't!"
I am disgusted. Utterly disgusted that our society is like this. I have a chest that every woman develops and I am still called a sir? And people wonder why I am aggressive towards people who purposely choose to dress the opposite of their natural gender? People wonder why I'm a minster? The answer is simple. I am a minster to speak the Gospel, and to take a stand about this movement of LGBT for this reason. It's sad when a world looks at naturally masculine or feminine men, and woman, and call them everything but their gender no matter what people like me go to lengths to show off our natural gender, an then someone has the gall, and audacity to say to my face when I'm in a dress, much less wearing my female clothes made for my species,
Jehoshua better take his kingdom back, overthrow the Anti-Christ, and throw all the evil of this world in that Lake Of Fire soon. And while he is at, he can throw this gender nonsense in there to burn with it. I have one thing to say to these people who insist to say I'm not woman enough, girly enough, feminine enough, and a man. Read my poem really closely, and see if any of it applies to your corrupted judgmental thinking when you look upon my face, and my body.
Women: “Hey nigger. Hey trans. Hey sir. Hey lezzie. Hey you manly ugly whore, give me every second back that I wasted gazing at your butch face. Your very appearance infuriates me. I can’t accept what you say because your lack of femininity disgusts me and I won’t accept it. Yuck! Your race? You’re a disgrace and I forgot to mention that spiked collar around your neck and rag on your head is a cry for attention. If you insist on this glum image then you deserve to be isolated, so take a harsh look in the mirror and go replace it.”
Are you done?
You really think you’re more feminine?
Nah honey, you’re immature and void of it and just passive
I’m so pleased with myself and proud of my African Savannah
You’re that girl that asks, “Are you a homo?” after making out with some chick named Morganna
See, I got this confidence that only comes with alpha dominance
But hearing all your comments you’ve got some serious jealously fits
Oh! Your friend gave you a friendly kiss? But you won’t peck her back
Because you’re scared people will think—you want to kiss her back
I’m that girl that’s assertive and displays pure affection to my family and friends
You’re that girl that can’t and gets easily embarrassed and keeps your feelings in your head
I’m that girl that’s strong enough to expose my every weakness
But you’re that girl that feels the need to spread your legs for the men when you’re sunbathing on beaches
You say my edgy style is a threat to humanity
Acting like a girl with muscles is a female felony
“You can’t tell what she is, she’s such a calamity!”
Oh no, now you might have to assess me on my spiritual personality
Something’s wrong with you if pure love of Yahweh will mess with you
I own this look and some people like it, at least my true friends and guardian angels do
And I don’t want to get a thin slick body, I have accepted mine
So, when you call me chubby or fat does this mean you committed a “hate crime”?
Are you right? I don’t think it’s your day
You wretched supremacist woman!
You want to judge me by your gender stereotypes without knowing my reasons first?
Funny, your thinking is not even new
You cruel mistress!
I tried to be nice, but you’re so insanely vicious and indecent
It looks I’m going to have to shame you on your terms and prove who the best Miss USA is
So, tell me who has the more feminine confidence?
A woman like you who openly calls another girl that’s born with both appearances a lesbian because it bothers you?
Or the woman with the courage to share her feelings, passions and her heart with the world?
By your theology it’s obvious you think I am the abomination of feminine quality, but those expectations are repugnant
The fact is your biases here just masks your ineffectiveness
And you cannot admit it so you attack me for proving it and for owing it
Your twisted mentality is quickly dissolving
Like a hydrogen peroxide on a scrape
Hmm, is that your pride crying?
Seems like you need Christ in your life
I’m very glad to tell you that you’re judgmentally wrong like Lucifer and Hell is
I’m telling you I’m straight despite my naturally masculine presence and pure affections
You just spread a rumor that I’m sleeping with your friends and my friends?
You called me a man even though I have breasts?
Oh, I get it
You’re just ignorant and don’t seem to understand that my African genetics make my hair intolerable to work with and thus settled for those condescending remarks you claim is the truth?
Well I guess there’s no helping you
My last attempt is to point out that your petty remarks will never be as effective as anything I said And sadly you still won’t get even if I sketch it out
No one prospers from being racists and sexist about those things, so get over it
And if you don’t like how Yah designed my natural look
I’ll accept that’s your choice and point you to the mirror
And tell you you’re who the true disgrace is!